Saturday, December 26, 2009

A new birding plan

For the New Year, I am going to get up in the early morning, grab me a wad of some chaw and and a cup of Joe, go outside kick something ,preferably soft and makes a noise, pee on the chuck wagon wheel, stare at the sky. Spit,throw my coffee grounds on the fire, slap my chinee cook awake, tell him to put less vinigar in the brew and get em bisckits in coz I am check in the lower 40. Leap on Rodeo, whistle up the terriers , light up a Marlboro and ride into the sunrise, gnawing on a chunk of moose jerky with the Antlers still on it.
I made it.
I am "Country ". Yesirree.
It took me seven years of careful couture and not bathing, and traing nose hairs into a Dali moustache, to have a person in THE Store on Mount Palomar, carefully quieten his snotty La Jolla prep school spawn and trophy wife and walk over to me and say "Excuse me you look like a mountain person, can you give us directions"
I have only to rotate to the left to see the Oak Burl Chris Marzlack gave me, to the right to see some papers Mendenhall gave me, who owns most of the Mount and was sat on his horse. And yes carried six guns and a saddle rifle.So I guess I became one, right there.
Not a single person moved, while I gave him detailed instructions for Mount Wilson Observatory, as "they had closed Palomar for the Holidays".He shuffled the screaming pack away, span the Mercedes and left the parking lot.They fell apart and I have never seen that crowd laugh so hard. They were pulling maps out of their trucks to help. Jokes on them, sent them to Griffith Obs ! Ignorant Mountain peasents !
There was a section of my life, it would be impossible to replace.
And probably for the better.
So today, when I was talking to the Newspaper dude Julius who drives the Paper over the hill, Gene the guy behind the counter, only offspring in 15 years not on welfare, Myrah who I failed 9 years ago and still is pissed at me and "The bicycle dude". And the usual assortment of early mornings and illegals nursing their coffees and hoping to get a job that the local prisoners should be doing, and the lazy ass CO's white lazy assed kids won't do, about the chargers.
When it was DEY JAA BOO all over again. Notice use of cunning linguistics !
In walked "Jackass number ones twin brother"
"You look like a Country person from around here can you give me directions, we are late for a wedding, yes use the bathrooms daddies busy, I know honey, I am sure they can have some one clean the bathroom, do you clean bathrooms I am sorry I don't know why they don't have Latte expresso milan au gratin, No you can't tormant the local black guy, and he rides a bicycle because everyone in the country is poor and
do you have a lawyer pooky just broke a nail on your coffee cup lid I know sweety daddy loves you go sit in the car and play with the "Barby has illegal house help set" and the "Ken divorce set" (Thats the one where Barby gets all of Kens crap). Yes honey.
I was talking to you. Reality check .
ME ?
Yes you look like you are from around here, I need to get to Lake Havasu for a really fancy wedding, and we are late.
Now just because I wear denim,, that has mileage and filth on it, and is missing a few fady bits as I lost them crawling under a barbed wire fence an hour beforetaking pics. (To come) And I look like a I should be playing with the ZZ Top tribute band. Much to my wifes total annoyance and chagrine (NOt cutting my hair or shaving until the chargers win the super bowl !)Does not mean I am from around here.
Oh well drop back into dumb ass white country boy mode, we might as well enjoy the moment. "They got maps over here" Hand him "Pocket map of USA"
Not much house support here.Tip Always get them involved early. "Any of you all guys heard of Lake Have a screw, what was that again sir ? The hunt is on The chum is spreading, "I think, no thats where Irene my sister, couldn't have been the freeway wasn't in" "Here sir but this map, hm I think its in Nevada" "I KNOW WE ARE LATE SWEETUMS CAN someone TURN the god dam GAS pump on"
The ending was I got him calmed down, told him they did not need passports (pure genius, that was the "Bicycle dudes " input) and got them safely on their way to Yuma. Joy to the world and smiles all around.
So please do NOT judge a book by its cover, and critics reviews. You might be somewhere odd and run into me ! Hopefully I won't take umbrage and you will end up in the right place!!!
Pictures from the last couple of days. Today was one of those days that was hateful weather, and as soon as you placed your self in a comfort zone as it was non birdable outside, it beckoned I have a killer book I am reading. Something like a brief history of everything, that I got for xmas.The sun would come out and back out one goes Any way at one point I was wandering around my jeep, with the most stunning array of high and medium cloud groups coming in from the NW, name a nimbus I had one. NIMBUS, not NIMROD, why learn all the CRBC members names, With the most startling blue back ground sky. 3 hovering Kestrels 3 Marsh Hawks 2 stalling against the wind, a Hovering Ferrug and a RL Hawk. Quite literally the clouds parted for a second and hit this !
Sometimes it is a good idea to realise you just got the best the day holds for you and go home !
The weather came howling through in 30 secs.
Ghost rider on the Storm.
Awesome bird for me. Built a small ditch hide, back tomorrow

I have had a couple of computer glitches, both of which involve my mage Pyewhacket and food, I was half way through responding to a person who had sent me an enquiring e-mail about cameras and stuff, and to a person bringing a Group out here to camp and bird, and a friend in the uk. When the cat and my modest (wife diet for me) Crab sandwich on whole wheat cardboard collided with the keyboard. If you are any of the above. Please mail me and we will try again.

PPS Well boxing day is over, I trust you rich West Coast, behind the Orange curtain, birders were kind enough to let your butler box up the left overs from Xmas for the Yoemen, and peasents. Before venturing forth to chase a few vixen apound on horse back !
Best I leave that comment alone

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